


Tears of Freedom (Paper Hugs)

by BlueStarOfTheSouth, Gage39



Series: Finding Home [2]
Category: DCU (Comics), Shazam! (2019), Shazam! | Captain Marvel (Comics)
Genre: But happiness at the end, Found Family, Genderfluid!Billy, Internalized Transphobia, Lots of tears, Self-Acceptance, Tears, mentions of child abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28638546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStarOfTheSouth/pseuds/BlueStarOfTheSouth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gage39/pseuds/Gage39
Summary: Darla’s paper hug, that she’d given him when he’d been so terrible to them all.Billy sat on his bed, simply staring at the gift that Darla had given him. The quality wasn’t perfect, but… somehow that made it better, because it wasn’t some crap that they’d bought at a store, this had been hand made for him.He took a deep, shuddering breath and wrapped it around himself.
Relationships: Billy Batson & Vasquez Family
Series: Finding Home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062959
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Tears of Freedom (Paper Hugs)

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between chapters 14 and 15 of An Escape Artist's Last Chance, and follows Billy's thoughts after the talk with bio mom.
> 
> Please note the tags, this one's a bit rough. Also, and this should go without saying: this may not make much sense without reading the first fourteen or fifteen chapters of Escape Artist.
> 
> Rock of Eternity Link, for more Billy Batson: (https://discord.gg/C6jSt8FS96)

_ "What-what are you doing here?" _

Billy sat against the far wall of his room, staring blankly at the door. His mind felt like a tornado was running through it, sucking his thoughts up into a giant vortex and throwing them every which way.

_ "What-what are you doing here?" _

He’d finally found his mother, had finally talked to her after so many years. It should have been a happy occasion, it should have been the end of all his pain and suffering. She should have been  _ happy to see him! _

_ "What-what are you doing here?" _

“...I hate you…” Billy quietly confessed, not entirely sure who he was talking about.

Did he hate his mom? She hadn’t shown a hint of regret, she had no remorse for abandoning him. And it was abandonment, he knew that now. She could have given him to an orphanage, and he’d have understood. He’d have been hurt, but he’d have understood.

But she’d  _ walked away. _

Did he hate himself? He was a broken little  _ freak _ , and all he wanted was to be normal, to be like everyone else.

But… but Mary had been understanding. She’d given him a new word to describe himself: Genderfluid. She’d given him clothes,  _ girl _ clothes, that he could use whenever he wanted. And she hadn’t even judged him for it!

Rosa and Victor had accepted him. They didn’t know it all, Billy hadn’t actually said the words, but they had shown nothing but love and acceptance towards Billy since he got there.

Love and acceptance that even his own mother hadn’t shared.

_ "What-what are you doing here?" _

For one terrible moment Billy even tried to hate the Vasquezes. But he knew that he couldn’t, not really. They’d just done what was best for Billy, had given Billy the chance to get closure.

They’d known this would happen, they had to have known that Billy would get his heart broken like this.

_ "What-what are you doing here?" _

Billy wanted to scream, to rage, to hate the entire world for what had happened to him.

But he barely felt like he had enough energy to sit there and quietly cry.

So that’s what he did.

* * *

At some point Billy ran out of tears, and not too long after that the overwhelming heartbreak gave way to… something else.

Billy stood up, moving to where he’d left the phone that the Vasquezes had given him. For emergencies they’d said, so that Billy could call if another crazy wizard kidnapped him they said.

He held it out in front of him, awkwardly taking a picture of himself.

He looked absolutely miserable in it. His face was red and blotchy with tears staining his cheeks. No wonder she hadn't wanted him. He didn't even want himself at the moment.

So… so why did the Vasquezes want him? There was nothing to be gained from it. Eugene and Darla were cute, Freddy had a fucked-up leg, and Mary and Pedro were fairly smart. What on Earth could he possibly contribute to the family? There was nothing special about him, nothing that stood out.

Maybe he could leave. All it’d take is one word, and he’d have all the power necessary to fly away to the other side of the world. He could grab his stuff and move to New Zealand, or Greenland, or anywhere that he felt like.

They’d never have to see him again.

But...but he didn't  _ want _ to leave, and maybe, just maybe, they didn't want him to either. They'd taken an interest in him for some reason, and he had no doubt they would be devastated. But, more importantly, so would he. 

Darla would probably cry for days, weeks even.

Darla…

Billy, in a sudden fit of…  _ something _ , grabbed his backpack from where it rested on the end of his bed, and started digging through it. Luckily it didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for, and he soon held his prize in hand.

Darla’s paper hug, that she’d given him when he’d been so terrible to them all.

Billy sat on his bed, simply staring at the gift that Darla had given him. The quality wasn’t perfect, but… somehow that made it  _ better _ , because it wasn’t some crap that they’d bought at a store, this had been hand made for  _ him _ .

He took a deep, shuddering breath and wrapped it around himself. The action was enough to make him burst into tears again, and he stayed that way for several minutes until his arms began hurting. He reluctantly folded it and put it up for safe keeping, considering getting some tape or something so he could put it up on the wall.

The tears were finally slowing down and he forced himself to get back on track. What should he do now? He had three options, as far as he could tell.

One, he could run away, for good this time. Just power up, grab his stuff, and disappear to the far side of the planet and then spend the rest of his life carrying the pain and regret of leaving with him.

Two, he could go downstairs and act as if nothing had happened. Just never talk about it. Ever. Ignore the fact that his mom had  _ broken his heart _ for as long as he could, and pray that he could survive that.

Or...or three: he could stop crying, and actually think this through properly.

Billy, after a few moments’ consideration, decided on Option 3: thinking it over, and trying to work through his feelings.

Okay, he could do this. It wasn’t really that hard was it? He just had to figure out what he felt about the situation.

So… how did he feel about the situation?

Well, he’d been abandoned as a child. That, that wasn’t good. That… that actually  _ hurt _ , that she couldn’t even be bothered to take him to an orphanage or a police station or something and do it  _ properly! _ She just walked away, and washed her hands of him.

He was hurt. His mom had hurt him.

“I… I’m hurt.” Billy quietly admitted. He remembered that one of his previous foster families had made the kids repeat important lessons or emotional realizations out loud. Apparently it had made it real, because by saying the words it wasn’t just a thought in your head anymore, you’d put it out into the world.

He wasn't sure if it really worked like that, but he was willing to give it a chance.

Okay, he was hurt, that was obvious judging by the tears, but what else? Anger was an easy answer, and it came to mind in seconds. He was angry that she’d left him, angry that he’d wasted his life trying to find her, angry that her first words to him in  _ eleven years _ were “What are you doing here”!

Like she couldn’t understand him tracking her down. Like she’d expected him to just accept that she didn’t want him.

She had expected him to be like her, to give on her the way she had given up on him. To be, to be  _ heartless _ and  _ selfish _ .

He was angry. He was angry because she hurt him.

“I’m. Angry.” He said, nearly spitting the words out, his emotions feeling like they were about to overwhelm him. “I’m angry.”

There were a lot of other emotions as well, smaller things that paled in comparison to the anger and the hurt. Disappointment, fear, confusion, and with each admission Billy felt a little better.

Not much, but it was something at least.

The last emotion, the one that was hardest to admit to feeling, was  _ relief _ . His search was over, he had his answer, it wasn’t a very good answer, certainly not the one that he actually  _ wanted _ , and now he could see about moving on with his life. He no longer had to live on the streets or try and escape abusive foster parents. He could...he could stay here if he wanted. He could stay and be part of a  _ real _ family.

So, to sum up everything he felt about meeting his mom…

“My mom is horrible.” Okay, that was drastically oversimplifying it, but that was basically it: his mom was horrible, and he felt a lot of things because of that.

With that… not settled, because the hurt, the anger, the relief, it was all still there. But Billy forced himself past it all, to focus on something else.

The Vasquezes.

They’d been nice to him, even when he didn’t deserve it. Even when he’d been trying to make them hate him, to make them want him gone, they’d been nothing but open and accepting of him.

They wanted him. No tricks that he could see, no lies that he could hear, they genuinely, honestly wanted him to be a part of their family.

Even with the whole "superpowers" thing they hadn't gotten rid of him. They'd just rolled with it, the way they did with everything else. There’d been bumps along the way, even ignoring the powers, but they always tried their best.

And their best was really, really good.

"The Vasquezes are… are kind of awesome," he whispered. "They want me and they won't get tired of me."

And… and he wanted to stay. They wanted him, and he wanted them. He wanted them more than anything, he wanted to be able to accept himself as easily as they accepted him, and they were willing to help him do that.

They were wonderful, loving, amazing people that Billy didn’t deserve to have in his life.

But they wanted him anyway, and he wanted them.

“I don’t want to go,” He realized, “I want to stay here, with them.”

Billy cycled back through these ideas for a while longer, but eventually he started feeling too tired and worn down to continue.

It had been a long day, and the emotional inspection probably wasn’t helping.

With a yawn he curled up and drifted off, hoping that he wouldn't have any bad dreams.

* * *

When Billy awoke, she- _ they _ were confronted with a simple fact: they had one more thing to work through.

Billy crawled to their feet, pacing the length of their room as they considered one of the most important parts of their life.

Billy had spent so long thinking they were a freak, thinking that there was something broken and  _ wrong _ inside them. For so long they’d hidden this part of themselves, denied that it existed at all.

And then Mary had changed Billy’s entire world.

_ "You sound like you're genderfluid." _

Five words. It had taken five words to change everything that Billy thought they knew about themselves.

They weren’t a freak, there wasn’t anything wrong with them. They were genderfluid, and that was okay.

And, even better, it was okay with everyone else. They had been given female clothes, their own room and the pronouns they had requested were used without even a hint of teasing. They could even change their voice now so it didn’t sound quite so wrong anymore.

So… so where’d that leave Billy?

“I’m… I’m…” Billy tried, they really did, but it was so hard to say the words. For so long Billy had tried to actively avoid even  _ thinking  _ these words, and now they were trying to say them out loud.

"I'm...I'm a  _ girl _ ," they finally managed to get out. "Sometimes," they added. "I'm a girl today and no one cares if I'm a girl or not."

Billy nodded at their-at  _ her _ words. She was a girl, for now at least, and that wasn’t the end of the world. In fact, that was normal.

One day Billy might even believe that last bit.

She was a girl today, and no one cared, but it was still hard to accept that this was  _ normal _ . 

And...she was going to do something about it. With a new determination she reached into her backpack and pulled out her skirt and headband. The shirt Rosa had given her was hidden in her clean laundry so she dug it out as well.

Billy started pulling off the clothes she was wearing now, pausing briefly when she got down to her underwear. There was nothing actually  _ wrong _ with it, she didn’t really have a problem with wearing them right now, but…

But Mary had given her some panties, some really nice red ones, that were hidden away in the back of her closet.

Billy stood there for longer than she’d ever admit, trying to decide if she wanted to put on a pair of panties.

She’d tried them on of course. Once. When she’d had the door locked, and the curtains drawn. They were… really nice. But, at the same time, there was something… final about it.

If she wore them, then she’d be outfitted in  _ only _ girl clothes. And… and that was actually kind of scary. She wasn’t sure if she could do that, to completely give in to being a girl like that.

It took several more minutes before she slowly, hesitantly went to her closet and took a pair in hand. If she was going to do this then she might as well go all the way. They were just a little uncomfortable in the front, an unfortunate side effect of being  _ physically _ male, but she knew that if she ignored it then the feeling would go away. Maybe...maybe Rosa could help her get some new clothes.

New  _ girl _ clothes. That she’d pick out herself, and then try on in the changing rooms, and then take to the checkout so that Rosa could buy them for her.

That was a concern for later, Billy decided as she shoved the wave of fear that rose up to the side, she had more immediate concerns.

When she finished getting dressed, she took another picture on her phone.

She still looked bad, but… a different sort of bad. Her skirt wasn’t the right size, her headband just looked terrible on her, and her eyes were still red from crying earlier, but…

But she looked like a girl, and that was what she was trying for.

So, before she had any chance to stop herself, she opened her door and walked downstairs with all the fake casualness she could muster.

This was it. They’d all been so accepting, so open and inviting so far. If they’d still accept her after she did this, then that just proved that she had finally found a family that truly wanted her.

A family that she could be a part of.

A family that could even be  _ her _ family.

She didn’t hesitate as she walked down the stairs, moving past everyone and taking her seat at the table like this was any other day.

“Good morning.”

**Author's Note:**

> ...ouch.
> 
> On a more positive note: we're planning more side stories, ones that promise to be fluffier and less heart breaking. So you can look forward to that at least.
> 
> Comments are all welcomed down below, so feel free to stop by and leave something.


End file.
